With the sophisticated revolutions and commercialization made from the past decade, the television now has become a necessity and is affordable to everyone. This can be proven by that it is estimated more than ninety per cent of households in modern countries have at least one television set (Sharif 1999). Moreover, according to the UK 2000 Time Use Survey, most of the full time workers regardless of male or female spent their leisure time most on watching television. Due to it, the availability of this invention now has raised many issues regarding its pros and cons. However, I strongly believe that the television viewing will bring the negative effects more than the positive effect it brings to human kind. For instance, the television viewing can caused poor behavior development among children, poor thinking skill and sedentary lifestyle.
First of all, the television viewing can cause poor behavior development among children. Since the children are on the stage of forming their own identities, they are likely to follow and behave like what have been portrayed by the programs they watch. The violence depicted programs are often broadcasted and the children may continually become desensitized to violence after watching them. More than that, there have been instance where children have put on Superman costumes and injured themselves imitating the character. This can be disastrous especially when it comes to the extent that the children try to impersonate the stereotype characters in the movies (Sharif 1999).
Apart from that, the television viewing can also lead to poor thinking skill. It misguides the youngsters to have perspective that the problems can be easily solved. They become frustrated and give up easily when encountering some complex situations in real life (Sharif 1999). Moreover, according to Dr Geraldine, watching is a passive activity, thus putting obstacles for children in developing the vivid imaginative skills to create fictitious characters, situations, and make-believe words, skills which are important in nurturing problem solving and organizational ability. This is why heavy viewers are associated with the lowest achiever in school. Besides that, when the television is on, it is also difficult to stay focus on things like homework as the fascinating programs can be very distractive (Leigh 2001).
Moreover, television triggers sedentary lifestyle which is very unhealthy. Prolonged period in front of the television means the children are not physically active (Sharif 1999). More than that, many find it easier to flick between channels to search for something interesting and this can be very time wasting which eats into the period set aside for homework or exercise. Some families even have their meals in front of television making communication among family members to be difficult. The incident becomes even worse if it is indulged in with junk food which in turn may lead to obesity and related diseases in the future (Rutherford 2002).
In a nutshell, invention of the television does pose the negative effects like poor behavior development among children, poor thinking skill and sedentary lifestyle. Human ourselves in the end will have to bear the costs of enjoying the conveniences being invented indiscriminately. For this, I firmly agree that the television viewing will bring the negative effects more than the positive effect it brings to human kind.
There is a clear introductory sentence that introduces the subject matter and the controlling idea.
ReplyDeleteThere is a thesis statement given as the last sentence of the introductory paragraph. It is clear and connected to all the topic sentences of the body paragraphs.
The paragraphs have sufficient supporting details and examples. The organization is satisfying.
All the paragraphs are supported well.
There are no sentences or sections that are not clear.
The conclusion summarises all the main points given in the essay and the thesis statement is restated clearly.
The writer cites the sources adequately and appropriately.
Yes, there are some apparent grammatical or spelling mistakes as follows, additional information is included too:
1st paragraph
Line 2:...past decadeS...(not only one decade right?)
Line 2:...HAS NOW...(i think it sounds better than the original 'now has'...)
Line 6:...maleS or femaleS...(plural...)
Line 10:...positive effectS...(not only one positive effect right? hehe)
Line 10:...HUMANKIND...(they're not separated)
Line 11:...can CAUSE...(after 'can' the verb follows should be in the root form...)
Line 11:..poor behaviourAL and thinking skill developments and sedentary lifestyle among children...(I would suggest this one. :))
2nd paragraph
Line 1:...poor behaviourAL development...(erm, development is a noun...behaviour is a noun too..so i'll suggest behavioural which is an adjective...)
Line 2:...AT the stage...(on the stage means performing sth on the stage...so it's not appropriate to be used here)
line 8:...WHILE imitating...(just to add sth to make the sentence better...)
3rd paragraph
Line 5:...watching TELEVISION...(I guess the object has been missed out..hehe)
Line 9:....AT school...
4th paragraph
Line 4:...something interesting BUT this can be...(erm, BUT is more suitable to be used here than and...this is because the ideas are contradicting..hehe)
Line 8:...even worse if THE CHILDREN indulge IN JUNK FOOD WHILE WATCHING TELEVISION...(the subject here is 'the children' instead of 'it'...)
Last paragraph
Line 4:...costs IF WE CONTINUE enjoying the...(the original phrase can hardly bring out the idea that the writer wants to express)
Line 6:...positive effectS....humankind/mankind..(not only one possitive effect...'humankind' is not separate...'mankind' can become a subsitute for the word 'humankind'...)
The writer does comprehensively cover appropriate materials available from the standard sources.
The work has clear structure with both introduction and conclusion directly addressing the question. The case made is fairly convincing. Topics are sufficiently expanded and explained. However, there is still a lot of rooms for improvement in synthesising. Other than that, all main ideas are included. Information is drawn from all texts too. Moreover, the sources are acknowledged consistently. The use of formal and objective language is obvious in the work. Well done!
wow..great job!!
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